He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
