She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
