Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
