im drinking this country out of the recession.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
