I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
