My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
