My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
