uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
