I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
