this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
