the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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