I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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