Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
