i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
