That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
