I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
