Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
