I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
