Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
