eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
