I cannot find my penis.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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