question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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