I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
