yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize