i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
