Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
