what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
