Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
