Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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