problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
