I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
