yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
