In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
