I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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