He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
