he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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