if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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