He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
