is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize