so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
