Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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