i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
