As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
