Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
