Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
