I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
there is glitter all over my balls
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
