He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
