I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
