Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
