I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
