got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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