I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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