don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
