i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also, beer. Big fan.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
