Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
