I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
