in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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