sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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