There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
