you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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