He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
