i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
