my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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