I wanna bring you to show and tell
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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