I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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