I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
