Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
