"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize