nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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